Oh Motherhood.

It took 2 hours to get Aria to sleep for her first nap today…and she only slept for 30 minutes. This is why I'm never on time for work. Just incase anyone who is concerned about my punctuality is reading this.

She is going through some very big developmental stuff right now, so her little brain is on overdrive. Aria actually isn't the best sleeper anyway. She's one of those kids who wants to be awake all the time because she doesn't want to miss anything.

While I love her spirit…girl needs some sleep!

Well, I have one really awesome thing to brag about, and one really awful thing to shamefully confess.

On the awesome front…I made Aria this sweet little dress a few nights ago!

I wish I had more time on my hands. I love to make things…but the time just isn't there. Our days are so full right now, that I can usually choose one thing to do for myself every 4 days. The other 3 days I'm just so darn tired that I sit in silence until I start hearing my neighbors do whatever it is that they do so loudly over there, and then I watch Dexter kill people for an hour before I give in to sleep.

On the scary as shit, someone call the authorities because I'm obviously not qualified to take care of another, much cuter, human, front…Aria rolled off of our bed on Wednesday morning.

Our bed is high. And she just rolled right off the side.

My initial reaction was yelling her name in extreme desperation. Then I scooped her up saying "Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god." She was screaming because it probably hurt worse than anything she's ever experienced thus far.

I cuddled and snuggled and tried everything in my power to make her feel better. Calm on the outside, but falling apart on the inside. How in the world could I let this happen? How could I let my sweet baby fall off of my bed????
I suspected it a few times before, but now I'm sure that I'm the worst mother on the face of the earth.

She fell directly on her face, and her nose. I don't think I'll ever forget the sound of her hitting the floor. Or the sound of her scream.

I contacted her Pediatrician and he gave me the walk through of how to assess her, and what to watch for.

I've watched her like a hawk for the past day and a half.

She is okay. Her nose is swollen and bruised, and she has a rug burn. But overall she's as slap happy as usual.

My soul is a little darker and the mommy guilt has gotten me pretty good too. I also can't help but notice Aria's eyes are a little less trusting when she looks at me.

I even rolled myself off of the bed a few times, to see how it felt.

For the record. It didn't help me feel better.

In an attempt to end this post on a happy note, here are some pictures of my sweet pooper face from this weekend.

Happy Thursday.

One of Those Days

Today was just one of those days where I feel like I'm totally failing.

Aria and I went to the gym this morning so I could get a workout in. I took her into the gym childcare room and the moment I handed her over, she had a total melt down. The woman I handed her to was trying so hard to comfort her. The other woman, who was sitting slouched in her chair, with an extremely unwelcoming scowl on her face (totally appropriate for working with children), who I have never met before in my life, says "She cries too much."

It doesn't really matter to me what she thinks, but as someone who works with other humans, parents and children for that matter, I understand certain things that I shouldn't say out loud. Especially to a stressed mother, who's child is clearly upset about something.

I felt so bad for Aria because I had no idea why she was so upset (it was probably that woman), and I didn't feel comfortable leaving her. So we got our things and headed out to run our errands instead.

Aria seemed happy the rest of the morning, so I still had no idea what that was about.

Around 2pm she crawled for the very first time!

We had a little celebration and she spent the rest of the day crawling from dog toy to dog toy, trying to get them into her mouth. When she wasn't doing that, she was lifting up the rug, and picking off pieces of the rug pad, to put them in her mouth. Let's be honest here…she got a few in there. I did fish them out though.

I gave her a handful of cheerios to eat rather than the rug foam and Saint Aria decided to feed her people instead. She threw some to her left for Harper and some to her right for Boston and continued picking off pieces of the rug pad.

Once the time came for her last nap, I put her down and she slept for a whole 10 minutes. I had just enough time to think about eating, and instead make coffee.

Because her nap was too short to actually be considered a nap, she was pretty cranky the rest of the evening. I took her upstairs to play on the bed with me, because that usually cheers her up.

She spent the next 20 minutes trying to launch her little body off the sides. It's a good thing I have fast reflexes.

It was then 5pm and I had gotten literally nothing done. I figured I should at least stuff some diapers.

A few minutes later, Aria had gotten really quiet behind me. I look back and she is licking a diaper.

At least it was clean.

Lick away girlfriend.

It's 6:00pm and the house is a disaster area (did I forget to mention we are having family over tomorrow for a BBQ?). I didn't get to run to Target to get shampoo because my baby was eating foam off the floor and licking diapers. I haven't showered yet. I'm still in my gym clothes (I guess I should be realistic and let go of that dream for today). My small dog is humping my big dogs face. And my cat has just puked on my purse.

Bath time is cute and fun as usual. Aria is a little ham in the bath. Afterwards she eats her bottle and we snuggle until she falls asleep.
I leave her and go into the bathroom to empty the tub. I look at the monitor and she's up. I go back in to comfort her. She has started screeching at the top of her lungs. It was actually scary. I haven't heard her that upset in a long time! I comfort, comfort, comfort. She falls back asleep. I go back into the bathroom. Then I hear her screaming as if she is being murdered.

I go back in to comfort. She's almost asleep…The dogs start barking. I yell down to the dogs because I'm so frustrated. She starts a combo of scream screeching because I have scared her. It then dawns on me that she's never heard me that loud before and I probably just scared the shit out of her.

Mom of the year.

After that it took about 30 minutes to snuggle away her sobbing. She's finally asleep.

I'm exhausted and I feel like shit.

The house is a mess and I'd rather die than clean it.

At least tomorrow is another day.

12 in 2014: May

Were finally picking back up on the photo challenge we're doing this year with Jessica from My Baby Birds.

May

Aria turned 8 months old in May. Now that it's warm, were starting to explore outside. It's so much fun to see her experience flowers, dirt, grass, the beach, and all of the fun that comes along with see those things for the first time. 

She has also started standing in her crib…which means her sleep is currently non existent, because standing is so much more fun. 

Her favorite thing to eat is whatever I'm eating…doesn't matter what it is. She wants it.

Her favorite activity is babbling and giggling to herself. The sound is so very sweet.

Happy Thursday Everyone!

32

Today I'm 32 years old.

I actually really like getting older. I feel like the older I get, the better things get. As I get older, I appreciate the little things more and more. I feel more complete and more peaceful, with each year that passes.

Not to mention I appreciate how free I feel being me, with every year that passes. It's a comfortable that 10 years ago I never would have imagined.

I had a beautiful day today. Aria and I had our first grass picnic. I did my annual Birthday Sufferfest at the gym. (Btw, muscles are just now starting to tighten up). I bought some fabric to sew some pretty little dresses for my warrior monkey baby. I cleaned the house. And I snuggled my little girl to sleep.

As I get older I also feel less that my birthday is about me. I feel more that it is about the people I love, and how much they mean to me.

So in this quiet birthday evening, here are a few words for my sweet baby and my tall husband…

To my sweet Aria:

You have changed my world. I always thought of soul mates as a term that was reserved for couples in love. Now it has a whole new meaning to me. We are soul mates. You have a piece of my soul and I have a piece of yours. I look forward to waking up in the morning to see your little face. Every time you smile at me, I swear I might burst with happiness.
We don't have a lot, but because of you I feel so rich. I have no idea how we got so lucky.


To my unbelievable husband:

You are the most amazing man I've ever known. Not because of the big gestures. Because you do the dishes, and you clean up before I get home on days that you get home first. Because when I'm stressed you tell me to go on a run. Because you take the dogs out when it's cold and you always put out the garbage and scrub the bath tub. Because you love me for the weirdo I am, and you support me no matter what. You understand me and accept me. You also love to laugh. And you make me laugh. Watching you with our daughter fills me up with so much admiration and love. I love you with every fiber of me.

Happy Wednesday friends. Have a fantastic night.

And if you're looking for a sweaty sufferfest, let me know and I'll send you my birthday workout.

The Weekend on Wednesday

I know. I know. Way to be late to the game in posting about the weekend. Trust me. My left brain is having just as much trouble understanding "what in the hell is going on?" that it takes me until Wednesday to get my shit in order.

Sometimes I think there was a class that I was supposed to take, to help me understand how to successfully manage adult life. I mean, I was extremely proficient about a year ago. Granted…it took me 31 years to get there. But that's neither here nor there.

That was also before I was responsible for another (much cuter than I) human.

Now I'm constantly that guy (or girl) standing in the middle of the class, naked. Unprepared. Flying off the cuff. Making decisions based on my gut rather than plan-ful logic.

Anyways…the weekend was niiice.

Saturday I had my first race post baby. It wasn't really a race for me. I have been training one of the teenagers I work with, to do her first 5k. She wasn't physically active previously but her goal was to get active. She wanted to start running and working out to help build strength and to positively channel some "stuff". We trained for 2 and a half months and this Saturday was her first race.

I wish I could post pictures, but since she is still in high school, I cannot.

We arrived at the event and this feeling of excitement filled my body. I haven't raced in a year. I felt so alive just being there.

Since having Aria, I'm a lot more sensitive and in tune with what I'm truly feeling. Normally a race setting get's me so hyped up that I'm ready to burst into flames with excitement…but I have no idea why.

This time I knew why. We were walking into the park and I asked her how she was feeling. She said "Nervous". Then she asked me how I was feeling. I said "Like I'm home".

Then I proceeded to draw her attention to the energy buzzing around her. The excited faces of the new runners who are there for their first race, the old pro's who are just grateful to be doing what they live for, the middle of the road runners who are building confidence as we speak, the kids cheering on their parents, the volunteers who are there at 7am to help, despite any sort of compensation and the people who are there to support their loved ones. A race is one of those places where hundreds (sometimes thousands) of different people, from different backgrounds, with different lives and different beliefs, all come together to experience something they love…together.

The thought makes the world a little more beautiful.

...And then there's the boiling competition that runs heavy through my blood. Muahahahha.

The race went fantastic. I ran right along side her the entire time. She pushed through and finished strong. I am so proud of her. Not just because she did it. But because she overcame so much during the training. Sometimes what people don't realize is that the actual training part is 100 times harder than the race event.

During training you meet your demons. The days are long. It gets tough…really tough. You experience moments where you aren't sure if you can do it. Sometimes you are positive you can't do it. Then you find the fire, push through and you see what you are really  made of. I have learned a great deal about myself through training.

Can you tell that I love this?


Sunday was my first Mothers Day. It was delightful. I was able to sleep in, which was extremely  nice. Then we spent the day doing family things…including going out to dinner. The weather was so nice that we spent a lot of time outside together…with the puppies too of coarse.

Per usual, the resident flower baby was charming and curious.

Happy Wednesday Ya'll!

Ramblings

Another gorgeous day here in Connecticut.

I'm obsessed with this bird house. It's right outside our kitchen window. I like to watch the little birdies fly in and out.

By the end of the day I am so wiped lately! When I came back to work I went super full force, and every day I sort of feel like I'm hanging on for dear life.

The little one is in bed and I'm sitting here drinking a dark cup of coffee…in complete silence. It's beautiful. I'm actually thinking about doing some yoga tonight, which is a little uncharacteristic of me. I enjoy yoga, but I don't do it very often. Lately I feel a new appreciation for the combination of quiet, calm, strength that comes along with yoga.

That's probably because every day is a mad circus.

Yes, I'd prefer to pound out a few miles on the pavement, but I heard somewhere that 8 months old is too young to be left at home alone.

Figures.

My usual back up to running is riding my bike on the trainer…but life has been so hectic lately that I almost feel myself yearning for a slow challenge.

Yoga is SO HARD for me. First, it's hard for me to slow down. Second, I'm the least flexible human on the face of the earth. Ever. Running 15 miles is easier for me than doing 90 minutes of yoga. Sad huh?

That's another reason I like it. I learn something new about myself every time I do it.

Anyway. That was a lot of rambling about yoga.

Before my after school program today, Aria and I headed to the craft store. I'm working on making her a cute headband to wear with her dress on Sunday, for Mothers Day. I also needed some supplies for some Etsy shop items. I'm planning to open the shop in June. Work settles down for me A LOT in June, so I should be able to get everything listed!

The funny thing about the Etsy shop is that it isn't the making stuff part that takes me a long time. It's the picture posing and listing part that takes me forever.

A few people asked me where I bought the nail polish that I talked about in my last post Ginger and Liz. I bought it at Ulta, here in Milford. It looks like you can find it a bunch of places online. It is a little pricey. However, if you belong to the Ulta rewards program (I cannot for the life of me remember what it is called), they send you coupons every week for $3.50 off of a $10 purchase. With the coupon it runs the same price as other quality brands of polish.

Well, it's time for me to finish this coffee…then lay on couch licking my wounds.

I leave you guys with a very important questions tonight….

Which one of these did I eat first?

You'll never know.

Just kidding. The chocolate of coarse. What do you think I am? A barbarian?

Errands and an Accidental Heart Break

The amount of things I can get done in one day, with a baby attached to me, sort of makes me feel like I'm qualified to be Queen of the world.

Today was a busy busy day. Mondays are crazy town. I work during the weekend…so all of the things that people do during the weekend to get ready for the week, I do on Mondays.

Aria and I ventured out on all of the normal Monday errands…grocery shopping, Target, post office, buying craft supplies for my after school groups this week. Were actually going to do a very cute project, which I will post about later in the week. I don't want to spoil the fun too early.

I made the little monkey a springy/summery leaf garland headband.

So. Much. Hair.

We also headed out on a great nail polish hunt. Anyone who has known me for more than 5 minutes, knows that I have a pretty serious love affair with nail polish. I love color. In all parts of my life, but especially my nails. It's so fun to experiment with and wear all of the beautiful colors…without any serious commitment.

Recently I discovered (by complete accident) that my favorite brand of polish does some pretty serious testing on animals. It was heart breaking. Not only because of the actual testing. But because they have the BEST colors and I've been a seriously loyal customer for YEARS. All of my polish was this brand!!!

So, I gave it all away at the girls night I hosted Friday, and decided to start from scratch with some brands that weren't involved in testing on animals. Then I fell in love.

Ginger and Liz.

Vibrent colors. No creepy ingredients….like formaldehyde…and no kitten testing. I took home all 4 of these babies!

The best thing about grocery Monday is that the house is full of food! I made something on toast (surprise surprise) and Aria and I had some lunch in the back yard!

Mmmm food.

Well, I'm off to grill some dinner in this perfect weather.

Enjoy your night…and check out the unbelievable cuteness of these two smelly bellies.

I just can't even.

Welcome!

Welcome to our maiden voyage! If you've come over from Have My Cake, thanks for following us! And if you're new, thanks for checking us out!

My name is Tami and I love to write. I'm a wife, a momma to a little girl who lights up the world, 2 crazy dogs, and a sneaky cat. I'm a veteran. I love healthy food and healthy living. I'm an athlete. I care about the environment. I love to create things. Six out of seven days you'll see me dancing though the living room window. When I'm not managing the circus that is my home, I work with teenage girls in crisis and I help lead an after school program centered on healing through altruism. And I'm a personal trainer.

I believe it is important not to take yourself seriously…at all, to find joy in the ordinary, to live with purpose and to laugh…mostly at myself. I'm a big over sharer, so in following us you'll likely learn more than you ever wanted to know about me. Actually, you will learn the raw truth…about everything.

Welcome to the ride.

A few of the blogs I read on the reg, have done some of these taking stock posts. A fresh way of documenting what's happening right at this moment, with just a few words.

Currently I am…

Making: Springy leaf headbands.
Cooking: A lot of new vegan inspired dishes.
Drinking: Wine. Kidding…... Not really.
Wanting: A new camera.
Looking: At the website G Adventures, for an exciting trip for PJ and I to take.
Reading: The Constant Princess by Philippa Gregory. I started this book during my final month of pregnancy and I just now find myself with a few spare minutes to pick it back up and continue reading it.
Wasting: Coffee. Sweet delicious coffee. Not because I want to. Because every time I pour myself a cup, something comes up or a living creature needs me, and I never get to drink it.
Trusting: That I'm doing a good job (fingers crossed).
Wishing: My laundry would do itself. And my little dog would stop crapping wherever he pleases.
Enjoying: Friends. I love my girlfriends.
Waiting: To sleep a full night.
Liking: ePantry. We get natural cleaning products delivered to us as we need them. It's amazingly convenient!
Wondering: How much longer I can sustain life, without a full night's sleep.
Loving: The weather. Hello spring. Please stay a while.
Hoping: I don't smudge my fresh nail polish.
Marveling: At how amazing it is to watch a tiny person grow.
Needing: A haircut and a manicure.
Anticipating: A girls weekend away coming up the first weekend of June.
Contemplating: A tiny piece of body art.
Smelling: A fresh espresso roast coffee.
Wearing: Grey leggings and a lime green tank.
Following: Loosely my training plan. I have good intentions, but I swear it is so hard to plan anything these days. I've been squeezing in runs right after putting Aria to bed, in the last hour before the sun goes down.
Noticing: Strength training is doing a lot for my post partum bod!
Knowing: That I possibly have the best dogs on the planet.
Thinking: About setting up a cute little desk nook in our house. I want to find a small old table to paint and use.
Exploring: Veganism.
Bookmarking: Bridal Shower Ideas for my sisters shower.
Opening: An Etsy shop! More info to come!!!
Giggling: At my dog farting.
Feeling: Overwhelmed but happy.

Have a great day!